The sound of grinding gears slashed through the silence.
“What was that!?” asked the alarmed, yet still ruggedly handsome wine blogger.
It was dark. Was it night? Was he dreaming?
No…his eyes were closed. Opening his eyes, he found a mysterious, hooded figure staring at him from under the light of a single bulb hanging from the ceiling.
“Do…you know why you are…here?” The mysterious figure’s question sounded like gravel being mixed in a whiskey barrel.
Still alarmed, and ruggedly handsome, the blogger said, “Well…I assume that you have come to kill me. Am I right?”
The figure slid across the floor silently and stopped only a few feet away from the cautious, and still ruggedly handsome, wine blogger.
“That is to be determined. Drink this and experience the realm of darkness.”
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Woah! That’s some spooky shit, ain’t it? Here are the stats for today’s wine. Let’s see what happens to our hero after this short, informational break.
Name: Extremely Rare Rare Red Black BlendVintage: 2012
Producer: Rare Wines
Region: California
Price: $9.88
ABV: 13.5%
(Price can vary on state, taxes, the store’s mark-up, and if it bothers you that Dean from Supernatural is not played by the same guy who played Dean in the Gilmore Girls. His name is Sam in this show, but we all know he’s Dean, but he isn’t. Also, what if the guy who plays Dean now gets a part as a guy named Sam in the relaunch of the Gilmore Girls? Talk about the proliferation of confusion!)
The mysterious, hooded figure bent over and placed two items on the floor. The crack of his bones as he stood up sounded like the popping of bubble wrap echoing through the Grand Canyon. The intrigued, and ruggedly handsome, wine blogger took the bottle of Extremely Rare Rare Red Wine from the floor and poured it into the glass that had been discarded from the mysterious, hooded figure.
The liquid started off as a very, very dark red color. It soon became even darker, almost black, as the rest of the liquid filled the glass. The intrigued, and ruggedly handsome, wine blogger put his face closer to the lip of the glass. The captivating ichor smelled as dark as it appeared. Ripe, dark fruits (predominantly plum) wafted through his nostrils and touched the back of his tongue. A hint of alcohol presented itself.
“Is this really wine? The bottle says Extremely Rare Rare red but I’m skeptical here…”
The mysterious, hooded figure said nothing. He stood perfectly still, piercing the soul of the captured, and ruggedly handsome, wine blogger with the eyes hidden behind his shrouded visage.
The skeptical, and ruggedly handsome, wine blogger took a sip of the liquefied night sky he held in his hand. He discovered a full bodied wine with blackberry upfront, followed by cherry and plum. Soft tannins. A smooth, medium finish with light-medium acidity.
“This is great! If I had to give it a rating, I would say it is an Enjoy Again. Why didn’t you tell me it was just wine?”
The mysterious, hooded figure straightened himself, seeming to double in height.
“Why else would I go to Texas and kidnap a mediocre wine blogger?”
“You forgot to also say ‘ruggedly handsome’.” The indigent, and ruggedly handsome, wine blogger retorted. “Where am I anyway?”
“Detroit.” The mysterious, hooded figure let out a cackle and clapped his hands. Daylight engulfed the room as a door opened. “You’re free to go. Take an Uber to the airport and you’ll be alright.”
The confused, and ruggedly handsome, wine blogger collected himself and left the room. As he felt the sun’s soft radiance cascade across his face, he couldn’t help but think, “why does this keep happening to me?”
