The cell door slammed shut in front of me. It’s official…I’m in the “Big House” now. I was still in shock that it had got to this point, but not enough to ignore the figure sitting in the shadows on the opposite side of the cell. His burning yellow eyes looked up at me from his perch. He could tell I was a “first timer.”
“What are you in for?” He asked in a gravely tone.
“I would prefer not to say.” I replied.
“It can’t be as bad as what I’m in for. The first time I was in jail, it was for robbing my neighbor’s house while he took his kids on a cruise. Now, I’m in for burning it down while he and his family were on a vacation in Alaska. They installed an alarm, so I gave it a reason to go off.”
“That’s horrible and you’re right. It’s not that bad. This is my first time in jail. I got thrown in here because someone didn’t like one of my wine reviews from a couple months back. I guess that I hurt….
The convict pushed his way past me and pressed himself against the door as hard as he could. In panic, he clawed the air in the direction of the nearest security guard. The same gravely voice that had once been sizing me up was now filled with terror.
“Help me! Help me! Get me out of this damn cell! He’s a wine snob! He’s a wine snob!”
Name: First Timer California Red Wine
Winery: Chain Gang Vineyards
Varietals: Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot
Alcohol by Vol.: 13%
Price: Don’t recall the exact price but it’s under $15.
(Price can vary on state, taxes, the store’s mark-up, and if you are looking at my site on some sort of new electronic toy that Santa brought you recently.)
Back to First Timer, the color of the wine was definitely more red than purple. I can’t really give a percentage, but mathematically it would look like this: red > purple. The nose was very floral with a light amount of spice. There was a hint of black cherry but it didn’t come off very strong.
The texture of the wine was smooth as silk. It had a nice balance of oak, spice, and tannins. The black cherry (and blackberry?) taste sneaks in upfront but there really isn’t anything else that pops out. It leaves a nice warming sensation the mouth and throat but it finishes clean. The warming in the throat might be due to black pepper, which I think I detected near the end of the tasting.
I think this would go really well with a lot of things. If you are not sure what pairs well with red wine, then this a wine that you could use to experiment. It isn’t the greatest red that I have tried, but it does pretty well for a “table wine.”
Rating: Try Again
After they tranquilized my cell mate and carried him away in handcuffs, I couldn’t help but wonder if the other inmates would see me as a friend or would fear me. I paced around the cell and wondered how I could talk them into…yes! I looked outside of my window and there were some wild grapes growing up part of the razor-wire fence! I bet if I could get a broom handle, some shoe strings, and tape, then I could fashion a tool to pick the grapes. I could then use the toilet to ferment the mixture and make my own wine! See…I don’t see why they think wine bloggers are scary…